Welcome back! Today we are going to explore another essential component of Courage and Vulnerability; motivation. The drive to act in a courageous way, and be vulnerable requires motivation which can come from two forces — internal motivation, and/or external motivation.
The first is internal motivation — this is the drive that comes from within us to be resilient, self-reliant, have strength, determination, perseverance, be positive and have self-love. My friend Aiden comes from a family history of heavy drinking, in fact, his Grandad suffered multiple strokes due to his drinking which also lead to Alzheimer’s. During lockdown Aiden took a look at his drinking — he regretted a lot of things he did while he was drunk and feared what he was becoming. He couldn’t control how much he drank and every time he slowed down he would get pressed and egged on by others in his life. His health was suffering, he wasn’t sleeping, and a lot of his chronic ailments were due to the fact he’d been drinking heavily since his late teens. The motivation to finally stop drinking was something Aiden needed to do for himself and he says that if he did it for someone else it wouldn’t have worked.
The motivation to stop drinking was totally internal — in fact, Aiden’s partners at the time both encouraged him to continue drinking, so he actually had a lot of opposition to quitting and he felt a lot of societal pressure as well. Aiden tried three times to quit during the lockdown and was pushed to start back up by one of his partners. When he decided to stop for good he ended that relationship. Aiden felt a lot of vulnerability when he stopped drinking. He says his ability to drink had been such a big part of his identity for so long he felt that people wouldn’t like him without it — and some people didn’t, and they moved on, and that was ok. He also had alcohol withdrawals for the first few weeks after quitting and the heart palpitations and shakes made him feel very physically vulnerable. He says that drinking was a coping mechanism and once he removed that he felt very exposed. Aiden has now been alcohol-free for two years. He loves the changes that have come about in his life during that time.
The other side of the coin is external motivation and this comes from the people around us and can take the form of accountability, responsibility, loyalty, obligation, and leadership. In my earlier blog post, I interviewed a pretty amazing person, Kirsty, who has a collection of courageous jobs including an officer in the Australian Army, the Military Police, she’s been a Close Personal Protection/Bodyguard, a Queensland Police Officer, and a full-time QLD Fire and Emergency firefighter. These are all jobs that have a large component of external motivation. Kirsty says a lot of her actions that are considered to be courageous come down to training and equipment. She says different people are attracted to different roles. For example, she says she would never be a hairdresser because that’s way too hard, or a doctor. It’s just not for her. Kirsty agrees there have been some very scary experiences throughout her career. Volunteering to do the Close protection/bodyguarding course in the Army was a decision that she didn’t make lightly. Many of her colleagues at the time were not interested at all because, at the end of the day, the role meant that you were expected to sacrifice your life if required. The course itself was one of the hardest both physically and mentally she had ever done in her life to date and it was one that you could complete but they could still say you were not suitable for the role and not qualify you at the end. Putting the training into practice during operations overseas was exciting for Kirsty. She says she never really worried about the actual danger of it. It was always in the back of her mind but her mentality was that someone had to do it. The training was intense but it meant that her reaction to any incident would be instant and instinctive, and that was important for that particular role. No time to question or balk, decisions and actions had to be carried out in a split second.
The biggest vulnerability that comes from putting your life on the line to protect others is physical danger. And Kirsty agrees that physical danger is a reality of this type of courage. As a police officer, she once had a woman run at her in an apartment with a meat clever because she thought they were going to take her son from her; she responded to a bikie brawl at the Royal Pines many years ago — someone had been shot so she didn’t know what she was walking into. She regularly attended Domestic Violence incidents where traditionally cops are often hurt and killed. She says it’s very easy to put yourself in a dangerous position when you’re called to a violent job at 2 am and half asleep. She was once the passenger of a Police Car that flipped and rolled and was lucky to survive. She got away with a fractured sternum and a few cuts and bruises and saw her life flash in front of her eyes.
These are great examples of the internal and external motivations of courage, and the accompanying vulnerabilities. Of course, these are some extreme examples, and in everyday life, we may not be making decisions of that magnitude — but they do show very well the different forces behind our choice to be courageous.
Want to start getting out of your comfort zone and trying new things?
Sign up today for the FREE 5-Day Courage Challenge.
Comments